When you
travel remember to carry one thing with you. That thing is a wad of fake bills.
Then, when a native tries to steal from you, you give him the fake bills and
he’s fooled. Trust me… those people are no match for cunning moves like this
one. A guy like that has never seen real dollars. He’ll hold up a makeshift
revolver and say “Give it up” and you say “Here you go” and you give him the
funny money and he grabs it and runs away from you as if you’re made of nuclear
fission or radioactive… something or other. As if you’re Hiroshima. As if
you’re the Eastern Front.
Even though
you’ve lost nothing, take a mental picture of this kid. Take your grievance
back to the American embassy. Not long after that, you’ll be home and on TV
you’ll see the place you left, this place where you were only a tourist, where
you went scuba diving… buried in a sea of fire. You’ll see the very face that
robbed you covered in flies and smoke. You’ll be sure it was your fault, and
feel guilty, and both of those impulses are right. Still: that’s justice for
you.
Then, put on
those shoes you like. The ones that are in the back of the closet. You practically forgot they were there. Put
those on. You deserve it.
You can read the entire play here.
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