WARNING: Childish, dirty humor and foul language to follow. For those bored at work, early, on a Wednesday.
A kid walks into a whorehouse dragging a dead frog on a string.
The guy at the front desk says: "Hey kid, what are you doing here?"
The kid looks up and says, "I want a whore."
The guy at the front desk looks at the kid, and his dead frog, and says, "You're, what, 8? No way."
The kid hands the guy a credit card and says, "I want a whore."
The guy at the front desk says, "I think we can arrange something" and takes the card. He turns to run the card through his makeshift credit card machine.
The kids says, "What a minute. I want a whore with syphilis."
The guy at the front desk stops, turns around, and says "We don't let professional woman like ours work if they're... sick. Only clean girls around here."
The kid takes his credit card back, and puts down a gold card. He smiles and says, "With syphilis."
"I'll get Wanda," says the guy at the front desk.
Not long after, the kid is led into a private room. He enters, dragging the dead frog on a string. Awaiting him is Wanda, syphilitic whore.
Ten minutes later, the kid walks out of the room, dragging the dead frog on a string, nods to the guy at the front desk, and heads for the door.
The guy at the front desk can't stand it anymore. "Hey, kid! I have to know. Why are you, at your age, in a whorehouse? Why did you want a whore with syphilis? And why, for fuck's sake, are you dragging that dead frog on a string?"
The kid says,"Ok, here's the deal. I've got syphilis now. I'm going to go home and do my babysitter. She'll get it. Then, my Dad'll drive her home, and he'll do her, and he'll get it. Then, he'll do my Mom, and she'll get it. And she'll do the milkman, and... that's the bastard who KILLED MY FROG!"
- Matthew Freeman is a Brooklyn based playwright with a BFA from Emerson College. His plays include THE DEATH OF KING ARTHUR, REASONS FOR MOVING, THE GREAT ESCAPE, THE AMERICANS, THE WHITE SWALLOW, AN INTERVIEW WITH THE AUTHOR, THE MOST WONDERFUL LOVE, WHEN IS A CLOCK, GLEE CLUB, THAT OLD SOFT SHOE and BRANDYWINE DISTILLERY FIRE. He served as Assistant Producer and Senior Writer for the live webcast from Times Square on New Year's Eve 2010-2012. As a freelance writer, he has contributed to Gamespy, Premiere, Complex Magazine, Maxim Online, and MTV Magazine. His plays have been published by Playscripts, Inc., New York Theatre Experience, and Samuel French.